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 FHM MAGAZINE PHILIPPINES

www.fhm.com.ph

If women weren't made the way they are, if nothing about them deserved that second look, the long ogle and the center spread, we would have long stood up against their atrocities and told them to shut up. All that crap they say about men being so darn insensitive and stupid, not being able to tell whether it's the brain that droops or the balls, or if it's the balls that think and not the brain. All this is just too much for a man to take. They tell us we're slobs and miscreants, eunuchs and maniacs; we take the hit like nothing.

But for the heck of it let's answer back. Let us tell the world what we all know but are afraid to say: Women can be worse slobs and miscreants, eunuchs (Okay maybe not this) and maniacs themselves.

When they don't think, bad things happen. They shriek. They nag. They pester. They call this sensitivity, in the way that a boil breaks and oozes with disgusting pus at the slightest touch. Don't ever believe they don't want to be maimed in bed as badly as us. Give 'em enough rope and they'll strangle and whip you. When they smell, they stink.

Stupid is as much them as us. If they weren't then where in hell did they get the idea of a dumb thick in the movies? Faced with a movie bombshell who has perfected the role of the dumb click-in this case Rufa Mae Quinto-you'd beg to be proven wrong.

Rufa Mae has made good on this naïve bomb shell characters in a couple of movies, even winning a Best Supporting Actress plum playing a bungling secretary in the Aga Muhlach-Regine Velasquez starrer Dahil May Isang Ikaw. More important, she has given comediennes a complete makeover

Surely, Rufa Mae does not belong in the royal lineage of female comics from Nida Blanca to Nova Villa to Tessie Tomas. The star of Booba comes from a good Catholic school, stressing she scored high on a major aptitude test even. So she isn't stupid and neither are we.

It seems you're not enjoying the photo shoot too much because they won't make you smile. Can't you smile?

It's not that I'm forbidden to smile. I go wherever they want to take me. Pakiramdam ko, okay lang. Magaling naman si Ronnie (Salvacion, the photographer). Look at all these outfits. Ang sososyal. Pangyaman. So it's okay if they want me to project that way. Feeling ko pang-Hollywood itong pinagagawa ko.

THE INTERVIEW

FHM is an international magazine, remember? Let me just say that you look so good wearing that faux fur coat.

I feel so good wearing it, too! Diva ang dating.

No one plays the dumb bombshell better than you. How do I say it? You're natural. Of course, I'm not saying you're really dumb at all.

That's Rufa Mae the people have come to know. Iyan kasi ang mga roles ko sa TV and my movies. Tipong naïve girl.

How did you get typecast this way?

I don't know and when it exactly happened. Alam ko lang, doon ako naging hit sa tao at nanalo ng award. Di ba nag-start ako sa showbiz as one of Leo Martinez's wow-wow girls. Then I did a string of supporting parts, like playing Cesar Montano's mistress for example. I've never been originally package as a comedienne. Pang-sexy lang talaga. Wow-wow girl nga, e.

Haven't you thought about breaking free from all those decorative movie parts even then?

I have. Since I was the youngest among the wow-wow girls, I've thought of ways to make people notice me, to be different. One night, I couldn't sleep. Promise! I was thinking. "I've been in the biz for five years. What should I do?" Magulo pa naman ang mundo ng showbiz minsan. Maraming restrictions, tipong I-have-to-do-this-I-have-to-stay-that. Mahihirapan yata ako nang ganoon, iyong hindi maging totoo sa sarili, iyong magpakasosyal o umarte with poise. In the end, I decided to just be myself para hindi na ako mahirapang magpakatotoo.

But I don't think you're the-excuse me for being too rude-barubal type.

Talagang hindi! I just want to feel free, you know. 'Yong parang hindi ka parang hindi ka artista kung umasta. I want to laugh loud if I find something funny. And I'll laugh that way a cause for shane. Lahat naman ng tao nadadapa, di ba? E di tumayo. Of course, apart from wanting to be different, I also wanted to be natural because I'm very happy being me. Fun gets my vote all the time. Naging problematic na rin naman ang buhay ko, 'no.

What do you mean by that? Hindi ko naman sinasabi na grabe at sobrang malas ang buhay ko. I mean, normal lang naman iyong nangyayari na broken family and everything. My parents separated when I was young. But now, instead of getting all dramatic about it at mag-emote forever at i-recall ang lahat ng problems ko, magpapatawa na lang ako! Hindi pa sasakit ang ulo. Di ba when you do comedy, it's as if you're playing.

Don't ever want to win an acting award for a dramatic role?

Who wouldn't want that? Of course, I think someday I will reach that point where I have to do drama, too. I have to try and essay different parts. Luckily, I can do that in comedy. Right now though, I just want to be happy forever. And be witty forever. Kaya nga hindi ako nagpupuyat e.

Why?

Kasi ang tanga puyat lagi, natutulala lagi.

Well, if you have something to stay awake for, that'd be okay. But if there's nothing, that'd be a different story.

That's exactly what I mean. I don't like staying up too late because your mind goes blank. It's important for comedienne to be sharp.

It's a good thing people don't catch you dozing off during shooting, or else they'd accuse you of taking drugs or something.

No! Hindi naman ganoon klase na tulala na head-bangag ever! But sometimes, I don get dizzy and all I want to do is sleep.

You go from one line of thought to another, you shift in mid-sentence, and if I don't interrupt, you might never stop. Do you really talk like this?

(laughs) Oo, hindi ka makasingit, 'no? Sorry! Ang dami ko kasing gustong i-share sa'yo, alam mo 'yon?

You say you love playing the naïve, dumb chick for fun. But I refuse to believe you're that kind of a woman. May we ask you some questions to prove otherwise? Sure. First question, please.

What grade did you get in the National College Entrance Examination?

Hoy, I got a 93 percent, ha! Wait, I think it was even a 96 percent. This is embarrassing, but I was an honor student, you know.

Where did you attend high school?

Saint Vincent.

That's a Catholic school. See? You're not naïve. Bombshells come from good schools. Whoever said that they don't?

It's just that I wish I had finished school then. But I'd like to go back to school and fulfill my dream of becoming a topnotch lawyer. Para maipagtanggol ko ang mga naaaping kababaihan. Charing!

Really? Then I could get in trouble with you before this interview ends. But tell me, were you an ugly duckling then?

With a body like that, you couldn't have been. Believe it or not, I was the shy and coy type. Hindi nga? Promise. Trouble was, I looked like a dork. So I did a makeover and transformed myself into a campus queen.

Suppose somebody invites you to run for political office and be the running mate of, say, a young bombshell-crazy politician in Quez.., er, Cubao, would accept? Over acting na 'yan, 'no! Wala naman akong experience in politics. Pero kung may bayad, or if they'd raise the money for my political campaign, e di sige…tatanggapin ko.

Does size matter to you?

(long pause, real long) Huh? Nakakabigla naman ang question mo! Ano yan? Ang bastos naman niyan. Wala akong pakialam sa mga ano nila, 'no! Iintindihin ko pa ba iyon ang dami-dami ko na ngang iniisip.

We just thought a woman who gives what you're giving on this month's FHM deserves nothing less. Have you had your share of sleazoids?

Not yet, thank heavens. Mabait naman ako e. Hindi naman ako sexy, as in nakaka-L na katulad ng sinasabi nila. Funny girl lang ako.

What about dirty, old maniacs offering money, shopping sprees, money in exchange for doing the mambo in bed?

Nobody had ever done that to me directly. Although there were some filthy rich men out there who tried and made the moves. I have no time for them. Wala akong panahong maka-meet ng mayayamang ganoon naman ang ugali.

I'll be very blunt about this. Are your boobs real?

Ayan ka na naman, ha. (smile) Of course!

As in, the true peaks of perfection?

Of course nga e!

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